Second Step

My second step was literally a step.  Let me start my saying I don't have a checklist of how, where, when, what I need to do to find myself again.  To me this is truly a journey.  And as I have moments of epiphanies is when I will probably share them.

In my bedroom, hidden beneath papers, and clothes, and whatever else I didn't feel like dealing with at the time that got tossed onto the pile was my Wii Fit board.  You know, the thing I was super excited to get.  The thing that I convinced myself if I spent that much money on something I was sure to use it.  The thing that I used one time then hid in my room so I didn't have to look at it daily reminding me that I really should get off of my lazy butt and exercise.  Yeah...that thing!

Well, the papers are tossed, the dust is cleaned off of it, the clothes are put away and the Wii fit board is uncovered.  It is still in my room, but it's not purposely hidden anymore.  I'm not going to lie to myself and say "ok...now put it in the living room and start a daily routine of exercise...you can do it!!!"  Because I know that's not going to happen.  My second step was uncovering it.  I don't have to hide things from myself and pretend that it doesn't exist.  Do you know how draining it is to actively pretend something isn't there when you know darn well it is?  It's so much more freeing to have it out in the open where I can see it.  It's no longer taunting me saying "hey chubby....you really should put that cookie down and come use me".  Now when I pass by it just gives me a friendly wave as if to say "I'm here for you when you're ready".  Just like my true self....it got hidden, buried beneath piles and piles of everyday life.  I'm ready to toss those papers and put away the clothes.  The piles are pretty huge so it's going to take a while.  But I know I'm in there...I can see me giving a friendly wave saying "I'm here for you when you're ready"